Rest Well My Darling, Darlene.
August 30, 2008
by: Dan Tanaka

Dear Darlene,

It’s been just one year since you stepped into my life and changed it forever. Before you, I was drinking almost everyday, always stressed out, and…pretty well set on the idea I’d have no one special coming into my life, even though I had been told differently. I was told of a vision of myself running through a mid western field with a woman (with descriptions) after Labor Day. What do you know…there you came into my life fitting those descriptions from their vision.

The truth is, even before this I knew of you through the Tunes Radio Network website. You had an eye-captivating picture on the page, with an interesting show listed. I just couldn’t wait to tune in, and chat with you about your topics. You weren’t going on the air for some reason, so I asked Chickie about you several times. Regardless of anything, I knew at that point that you would become an important part of my life. Eventually you made your debut with rough roads, but things smoothed out and you became the biggest star just like I said you would!

As you came into my life, we hit things off so well. Symmetry was on fire. I completed your sentience as you would complete mine. We would say things at the same time, or have the same exact thoughts at the same time. Hell, we even visited the same website for Celtic-jewelry at the same time and didn’t even know it until I sent you a link. Then there was a night I was working a wrestling event, and you had a vision of myself getting hit by a couple of wrestlers during a match, and sent me a text message about it. You shocked me so much I had to run out to the parking lot with my phone to call you and let you know it happened. You were worried about me being actually hurt…

I hope you know that I always did care how you would feel about my involvement in professional wrestling. I know you would worry, whether it was my time on the road, or in-ring action. While I do have a lot of love for wrestling, its nothing compared to the love I have for you. Wrestling has brought me many joys, and much fun…but a wrestling ring has never been able to hug me, tell me that I’m a great guy or that I’m loved. The promoters, bookers, and fellow co-workers might be able to do that, but they are rarely ever sincere. Even if they are, its not the same as what I know you had for me. That’s where you win over wrestling…well there more reasons too but that’s the top one.

I had a great time with you during my visit in October. I was very nervous but at the same time you were able to make me feel comfortable, and secure about being with you. I don’t have any regrets about this trip no matter what you believe. It was a very happy time for me and I know it was for you too. The happiest moment for me was the morning you rested your head on my chest, as I held you in my arms, we held hands and I was kissing your forehead as I brushed my fingers through your hair. I truly mean that. It’s not to say I didn’t enjoy the other things we shared though…

The time came when you had some things to sort out in your life, and decided to break things off. At first I didn’t understand and was very upset. With recent times I have come to understandings… I just have to tell you that I never got bitter, or resentful towards you. I never will… While sometimes things hurt, I will forever treasure the things we shared together, meeting you and having you in my life.

I want you to know that in your last month of life, I was very happy to help you through some of your crisis. I know you hated asking me for help, but you really didn’t need to feel that way. You were having a hard time and I was able to help, which is what I always wanted to do for you. I never wanted anything in return for this… All I wanted is to help you get back on your feet and nurse you back to health, and ease your pain. Yet again, I never felt bitter, resentful or anything negative in helping you anytime you would ask. I did this all out of love, that’s right, love. It’s an unconditional love that I’ve always had for you and will always have for you.

Whether you realize it or not you are the most wonderful, and amazing woman I have ever known and I will forever hold you in my heart. I consider myself very lucky to have known you, to have had you in my life, to have had you as my friend, and as my girlfriend. I will forever remember our special times together. You’ve done things in my life that no on ever has or ever will do. You’ve touched my life like no other woman ever has. You’ve made me feel, and think differently. I never felt anything like this in my life. You are the first woman I can say that I truly love.

It was hard for me to sit at your bedside during your final week. However I was happy to be there for you to hold your hand and spend time with you, by reading to you, and just telling you how wonderful you are. I must have kissed your hand a million times. And each day I left I’d kiss your forehead…just in case I wouldn’t be able to see you the next day. Watching you leave this world was the hardest thing I ever done in my life. I bawled my eyes out like a very young child does when the most important piece in their life is destroyed or lost. However… I’m glad I was able to be there for you through that time, as well as your kids. I know how your one wish was to not die alone.

I know you don’t want me to be sad, or to cry. Sometimes I just can’t help myself. It just isn’t the same without you here… Despite that you have crossed over, I know you are still watching over me. It feels as though you are with me during my time on the road to my wrestling events and back home. Then when I make my run to Dunkin’ Donuts, I can hear you going for an XL extra light hazelnut or toasted almonds.

I must apologize for my misbehavior in recent times. I’ve noticed you trying to send me messages but I haven’t fully been in-tune with them until my most recent intoxicated episode. I know you hate seeing me in that state… I’m real sorry.

I truly wish to honor your life, Darlene. To do that, I am doing whatever I can to help lung cancer research. I remember you talking about how it always gets the shaft, and it is too true. As for myself, I haven’t smoked since the morning I flew out to be at your bedside. To remind myself to not smoke, I wear a lung cancer awareness band… At each of my events, I wear a dark green tape around my right forearm with your name on it. From here on out, I will not drink to the point of intoxication… I’ve really learned how much it has bothered you. I will keep this domain open in your memory, the very domain that was my first gift to you nearly a year ago. I always believed in you, and I always will…

Rest well my darling, Darlene. Though you were in my life for a short time, you will forever be in my heart, mind and soul. I miss you, I love you, I’ll be seeing you…everywhere I go…

Love,
Dan