1st Anniversary... and memoirs of the trip.
May 9, 2009
by: Dan Tanaka

Dear Darlene,

Here we are now at the one-year mark from when you passed onto the spiritual realm. I still carry you in my heart, and continue to honor and celebrate your life.

Though you were in my life for a short time, you had the deepest impact that anyone could ever have. You are the most amazing and wonderful woman I’ve known, and you always will be.

There is never a day that goes by where I don’t think of you, and there is never a day that goes by where I don’t miss you. It’s not just one thing I miss about you; in all trueness I miss everything about you.

There are the times that I smile, laugh and feel happy for being blessed to have had you in my life in such a way that you were. There are the times that I feel guilty, sad, and angry to the point of crying for things going the way they did…but none of it will un-do the love I have for you, or cause me to regret anything we have shared.

I may hate that you’re not physically here, but I will always love you very much.

Missing and Loving You Dearly,
-Dan

P.S.: This toast with coffee is for you Darlene! Just the way you like it.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The following was written while in an airport, and not shared until recently.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

May 7, 2008. – Providence, RI.
5:30 am

I’m now sitting in the gate to my flight for Chicago, IL. I have not had a decent nights sleep in nearly a week, and last night was no different. It seems I’m always waking up a good amount of time before the buzzer goes off every day. With the way things go at the airport these days I had to get here pretty early. It seems just like yesterday I was flying out of Manchester to the same area to visit Darlene at her place. This time I’m visiting her in the hospital.

A lot of people don’t understand the things I do, and never have in my entire life. So I’m never surprised anymore. What I don’t like is when I’m being questioned. For instance, as I’m printing out my flight, and car rental information my mom decides to ask me “If she’s in a coma, what’s the point in going to visit her if she doesn’t know that you are there?” Are you serious? Seriously people, if you don’t understand that’s fine. But don’t insult my intentions.

On a sad note I received a phone call last night from Chickie as I was drying off from a shower and packing my bag and informed me that the cancer has returned to Darlene’s lungs. I’m not exactly surprised. I’ve had a spiritual reader talk to me about how it will return. I’m more heartbroken than anything else at this point. I’m sure you are now asking “does/did she smoke?” Unfortunately, she has been a smoker and still smoked up to her recent hospitalization.

I’m scared of what I’ll be going into over there in Madison, WI. I’m not scared to face Darlene in her hospital bed hooked up to tubes, wires and machines. I’m scared of facing her family. I’m not sure how they will perceive me or react to me being there. I’m going to do my best to hold myself together. Another thing my spiritual reader told me is that I’m going to be there for Darlene’s kids with support.

Well, with an hour left til my flight, I’m gonna go use the restroom and try to find some book Chickie told me to find and read to Darlene.